Two Minutes’ Hate

There are many things in the world that piss me off (stamps required on government documents, for example).  Here, I will illustrate some of the things that make me hurl obscenities like Zeus chucks thunderbolts.  What I hate comes after the jump.  What you hate, you can put in the comments.

People who use the word “irregardless”.  I know I am not the only one that this drives to near madness.  The word is completely bogus, nonsensical, and even takes longer to say.  So why do people who are otherwise reasonably intelligent keep using the word?  You know what’s even worse?  WordPress does not consider the word misspelled.  THE FUCKING WORD DOES NOT EXIST.  HOW IS IT NOT MISSPELLED?  (Hilarious [to me] sidenote: WordPress considers “WordPress” to be misspelled.)

People who pronounce the plural of “process” as “processeeeeeees”.  If you were ever curious about whether someone at word is a complete douchebag or not, ask them to say this word.  Every meeting-loving, office-speak-gibbering, pseudo-intellectual fucktard will immediately pronounce it this way.  This isn’t basis becoming bases, this is a very simple plural process.  Just add the “ess” sound to the end of the word.  Sure, the dictionary says it can be pronounced this way, which just goes to show that there are douchebags who help write dictionaries.

Dental floss.  People say a cop is never around when you need one.  Bullshit.  It’s just that cops are there when you seriously wish you weren’t driving 40 miles an hour over the speed limit.  No, the thing that always disappears just when you need it most is floss.  Eating corn on the cob?  Dental floss within 1.37 miles instantly fades into some weird extra-dimensional portal.  Some hunk of disgusting fat lodged in your molars, along with half the fingernail you were using to desperately rip it out?  Then forget the notion that anyone even invented dental floss.  People will look at you blankly when you ask if anyone has some.  What is this floss you speak of?

The Dallas Cowboys.  This one is pretty much self-explanatory.  If it isn’t clear, find a Dallas Cowboys fan and ask them about their team.  There is a 90% chance that you will break their teeth before they can finish saying “How ’bout them Cowboys!?”  Or maybe that’s just me.

About Alan Edwards

Former cancer caregiver. Husband of the most magical and amazing person who ever lived.

Posted on May 26, 2009, in Rantin' and Bitchin' and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. I even forgot the thing that I hated enough to spawn this article. I’ll have to save it for next time.

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