Monthly Archives: February 2020
Sorry, once again, for the delay in new chapters. The last few weeks have, if anything, been harder than the ones that came before. Or they’re different in some way, at least, because the weeks before that weren’t really any fucking good either. There’s a depression that I can’t shake sapping my energy, my will to do anything besides sit at our house or at her site and numbly watch TV or play a video game. Projects are half-completed, things I need to do are put off until the next day, or the next, or forever and ever into the future I don’t really want to think about. I’ve cried and had meltdowns more and more often recently. I feel stuck in a web, or trapped in the dark, unable to find my way and exhausted. I miss Julienne so much.
But I’m trying to push past the lethargy, the desire to make Future Alan do it because Past Alan was a lazy dick and Present Alan is just trying to get through one more day. I want tomorrow’s Present Alan to look back at Past Alan and think, hey good job, maybe mix in a run or some weights next time, you lazy fuck, but at least you wrote something.