Monthly Archives: January 2020

Love Song by Julienne (ft Cancer) Ch. 18: Aftermath

I apologize for the long break between chapters. I know you guys will say it’s OK and there’s no need to apologize, but I’m also kind of apologizing to myself. Relating as much of Julienne’s story as I can is important to me and I’ve let myself down by not rallying to face the challenge. I’m not taking myself to task too harshly – I’m being as kind to myself as I possibly can – but I’m also trying to hold myself accountable, so I’m going to explain what’s been happening.

(P.S. – This intro is really fucking dark and depressing without much in the way of uplift. If you aren’t in the mood for it, skip down to the otter break where I pick up from the past again.)

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Interlude: Celebrating Julienne

Tomorrow, January 11, is Julienne’s birthday.

(I’m struggling to say much beyond that. I’ve just been staring at the blinking cursor trying to figure out what words could possibly capture how that first sentence makes me feel. This week has been a real struggle, especially since I posted pictures of her last birthday party on social media a few days ago. It feels obscene to have her birthday come around when she isn’t here. This week has been harder for me to get through than any I can remember.)

31 years ago tomorrow, the world became an immeasurably better place by having Julienne in it. Her light, her love, her beauty, her magic, her joy, her passion, her strength, her brilliance of mind and spirit – all of those things – made an indelible impression on everyone she met, and even on people who did not get a chance to meet her. Her presence still has an impact that resonates with family, with friends, co-workers, acquaintances and strangers. Julienne is like no other person I have ever met, and without her the world is a different, darker world.

(I must confess that I take a grim and joyless humor in seeing how the world has descended into madness and chaos over the last months. Entire continents burn, World War III is being discussed in serious terms, the entire post-WW2 world order is preparing to overturn itself into chaos while the worst weapons humanity have ever managed to craft now become an almost inevitable occurrence with every passing day. As far as I am concerned, the heat death of the universe is a fitting consequence of the unfairness of Julienne’s illness and the theft from us all of such an incredible being. Please forgive me my blackest of black humor. She would be very cross with me over it.)

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