Monthly Archives: September 2009
1. I graduated last night! My wife and I have finished our regular therapy sessions, with a healthy and happy relationship with each other, each of us better and stronger and more forgiving of ourselves even as we recognize our faults. I am incredibly proud of both of us; the road was the most difficult one I have ever had to go down, and along the journey there were many times that I just didn’t want to face another day. With hard work, honesty, trust, and willingness to fully invest in the process, we have become a healthy and happy couple once more. I can’t give enough credit to our awesome therapist, and to each of us for sticking to what we said we would do. Yay us!
1. I’ve been lifting weights pretty diligently for the last 4 or 5 months, trying to add bulk and strength. I’ve done it off and on for the last couple of years, but I am more dedicated to it now than before, pushing myself harder. It’s a nice break in the workday (I lift at lunch at the gym we have at work) and helps me keep my Hulk-like rages at bay while dealing with the moronic requests that frequently come up. I’ve recently changed my workout after reading a Fitness Tip from Paul Becker. Instead of lifting heavy weights for low reps with a minute to 2-minute break between sets, I’ve started with a heavy weight, low rep set, rest for only 15-30 seconds, then lift a slightly lower weight to fatigue, and repeat. The workout goes faster, giving me more time to do things like crunches or push-ups (175 yesterday – highest ever!), and I really think it’s making a big difference. Not that anyone who would ever read this gives a rat’s ass. It’s my blog! Deal with it!
1. Being right doesn’t make it better. Losing to the goddamn Lions is a disgrace, even if it is inevitable. Jim Zorn might have been an OK offensive coordinator, maybe, but he’s a bad head coach. I don’t fault him for going for it on 4th down at the one, but taking a penalty on what would have been 4th down is stupid in every way. People are saying their season is over, but it ended last week against the Rams. They alienated the fanbase, put doubts in their heads, and the head coach is losing the team. Mike Shanahan or Jon Gruden? Bill Cowher? Who will be the ‘Skins coach in 2010? I predict Mike Shanahan.
It was 10 years ago today that my mother died. I always remember the date because it was exactly 3 months before her favorite day of the year. I don’t always mark today as it goes by – most often I remember a few days later – but this year it kind’ve stuck in my head. I guess the round-numberness of the year is what did it. I honestly can’t believe it was 10 years ago. On the one hand it feels so fresh that it couldn’t possibly be that long, while with the other it seems like forever since the day that I blew her a kiss and waved as I walked out of her hospice room, sure that I would be seeing and talking to her in the morning. I did see her the next day, and talk to her, but by then it was too late – she was beyond hearing or talking. That was one of the hardest days of my life, watching and waiting for hours for the now-bloated and nearly unrecognizable form of my mother to finally succumb to her battle with cancer. My wife and brothers were there, and my wife was able to be my rock and actually gave me the ability to help support my brothers. One brother, the eldest, didn’t get in town in time to see her while she was lucid, and that really racked him. The other brother had been in a fight with my mother the last time they talked, something stupid over money, and would never get the chance to exchange another word with her again. That messed him up so much that it pushed him into becoming a born-again Christian. I remember walking out of her hospice room with my brothers and going to the sitting area they had. They had shelves with books and VHS tapes there, and I looked at the Braveheart case. I’d had a conversation with her not long before about how she’d never seen the end of it – she always fell asleep. I smiled as I looked at it and told my brothers about the conversation, and I said that I was glad she never saw the ending – it would have made her sad. For her, William Wallace was forever alive and uncaptured. I’ll never forget that day at Hope Hospice, where I had to say goodbye to my mother. Ten years ago.
1. I write this blog for me. Two (or maybe 3) people know it exists and read it as regularly as I post. I like to use it as an exercise to force myself to write, and to get better at doing so. I check my dashboard stats frequently, even though there isn’t enough traffic to warrant it. The funny thing happens when I discover that more people have visited the site and read things than the 2 or 3 people could account for. It’s funny that, right now, a complete stranger could be reading this and forming judgements. Who are they? Since a comment is never left, I never have any idea what they think. It’s like having a conversation with 2 friends in a restaurant, and a random person comes by and listens to you articulate a thought, then turns around and walks away without saying a word. It’s not a bad thing, just an interesting thing. Hey, you person I don’t know! How are you? I hope you enjoyed it!
1. I really, deep down in my bones, hate meetings. The more people in them, the more excruciating they are. I was in a meeting from 10:30 to 11:30 this morning, then in one from 2:00 to 2:45 this afternoon. Add in lunch, and I was pretty much unproductive for 4 straight hours. Meetings do nothing but interrupt my workflow and force me to listen to chattering idiots who love nothing more than the sound of their own voices.
1. First day of fall. Hint of crispness in the air. I like these things. However, the absolute dark of 6 a.m. is a downer. Very hard to get psyched and motivated for exercise when the sun isn’t even remotely up. Did it anyway, which I am happy for and proud of, but it’s still a struggle.
1. What an annoying day. Woke up discombobulated and running late, hit horrible traffic due to running late, got to work and discovered that I didn’t have my garage or building pass. Did fantasy football scoring, discovering that people didn’t send me their roster updates, then tried to put in players they don’t even have. Had to explain for the 5th time in 2 days what is happening with a person’s 401(k) loan deduction to the person who transmits it, who keeps saying “OK” when I’m done explaining it only to ask me again later. Turns out that what I did was wrong because he didn’t catch it the first time through, and all the shit that I’ve done with it for the last month and a half was wrong because everyone has their heads up their asses. So a good Monday.
1. I think the Redskins will win Sunday in an atypical fashion: by actually beating their opponent by more than ten points. Their largest margin of victory in 2008? 8 points, over the Lions. They have to beat the Rams, the team that derailed their season last year thanks to a Pete Kendall fumble. Yep, when the guard fumbles, it’s a problem.
Where did all this dust come from? Why didn’t anyone bother emptying the bins – wait, what is that? Is that cheese? Who the hell left a brick of cheese sitting on the floor for a month? You know how long this is going to take me to clean up? I knew I should have hired a maid.
OK, enough joking, enough procrastination. Time to begin writing again. Say, tomorrow.