Exposing Zombie Myth #1

Pop culture is always about getting things wrong from the sake of entertainment.  The world will end in 2012!  At least it will if you listen to the crackpot Mayan calendar idiots.  The Mayans would have a bit more credence with me if their nifty calendar predicted their own civilization’s downfall.  Zombies are not immune to pop culture’s relentless assault on truth, so here I will elucidate and try to correct one of the biggest myths about zombies: that they eat brains.

This myth probably surfaced because of the likelihood of a zombie eating a victim’s brain if they could.  A zombie would certainly snack on it if available.  However, the popular notion of zombies craving brains is both wrong and idiotic, for several reasons.  I will use the two most basic and powerful reasons to make the point here.

First, the brain is one of the least accessible portions of a human being.  Housed in a very strong lump of bone, surrounded and protected from nearly every angle, the brain is encased in essentially a living fortress.  Imagine a creature with no tools attempting to access the human brain with fingers and teeth.  It cannot be done.  Additionally, zombies feast on the living: if a zombie were to somehow manage to claw and chew their way to the brain, the victim would have expired long before it succeeded.

Secondly, allow me to ask a rhetorical question: how do you kill a zombie?  Do you hack off its limbs?  Stake its heart?  No – you must destroy its brain.  If zombies ate the brains of their victims, there would be no new zombies.  The danger of a zombie attack is the possibility of epidemic; if the zombies destroyed the chances of new zombies rising, then any chance of a wide-spread pandemic is reduced significantly.  It would make no sense for a zombie to eradicate the chance of a new zombie.

Hopefully, the truth will supplant the myths, allowing us to better understand our enemy, and allowing the human race to survive the onslaught.  Keep your shovels handy!

About Alan Edwards

Former cancer caregiver. Husband of the most magical and amazing person who ever lived.

Posted on November 18, 2009, in Zombies and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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