Blog Archives

The Forever Lazy Commercial Makes Me Hate America

I saw this commercial last night on TV. For a while I thought it was an ingenious parody, poking fun at the Snuggie Era we find ourselves in. No self-respecting adult would wear such a ridiculous outfit, the whole idea was laughable, the scenes with people watching football in this low-crotched Dr. Seuss Whoville suit trying to look cool, the zip-flap to do your “duty” – it was a priceless, brilliant parody of the ridiculous nature of As Seen On TV consumerism.

Then it hit me. This isn’t fake. This is 100% for fucking real.

What. The. Fuck.

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Posted in Rantin' and Bitchin'

6 Comments

Tags: Annoying Things, RAGE, TV, Two Minutes' Hate

The Hobbit Trailer Review, Fueled by NerdRage

Dec 22

Posted by Alan Edwards

The One True Hobbit.

I watched the trailer for The Hobbit yesterday. It was all over my Facebook feed, since many of my friends are hardcore nerds like me. The people who posted about it were excited and seemed to really like it. I was apprehensive. I’d seen some stills of the dwarves before, and I wasn’t particularly wowed by them. It looked like someone had set up a Glamour Shots in the Shire’s newest mini-mall. But I was still somewhat hopeful, but I have to admit that most of my dreams of a great adaptation of one of my favorite books went bye-bye when I learned that Peter Jackson was behind it.

Blasphemy! you say. Peter Jackson made the most awesomest wickedest LOTR films ever! He brought them to a mainstream audience! HE IS OUR NEW GEORGE LUCAS!

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Posted in Rantin' and Bitchin', Reviews

19 Comments

Tags: Annoying Things, Nerdery, RAGE, Reviews, Two Minutes' Hate

NFL Week 3: Goddamn I Hate the F*****g Cowboys

Sep 27

Posted by Alan Edwards

I am fully aware that sports fandom is a wholly irrational pastime. There is nothing inherently logical about identifying oneself with a group of strangers who wear a particular uniform. “Cheering for laundry” and all that. I get it. But just because my logical brain recognizes and acknowledges this doesn’t mean that the lizard brain way in the back doesn’t get its way. I go nearly insane about my chosen type of laundry. There is something else, though, beyond my deep-seated rooting for the Washington Redskins. That is my hatred for the Dallas Cowboys.

I fucking hate the Dallas Fucking Cowboys.

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Posted in Rantin' and Bitchin'

3 Comments

Tags: Annoying Things, Football, I'm Not Dangerous I Swear, RAGE, Redskins, Two Minutes' Hate

Great, Here Comes That Bird Flu Overhype Again

Sep 9

Posted by Alan Edwards

My wife and I saw the preview for Contagion a few weeks back when we saw Captain America: Other Words Go Here in the theater (which I LOVED by the way, loved loved loved loved loved. The look was right, it was mostly true to the comics, I didn’t even think about the Red Skull saying “Mr. Anderson”, it just rocked. Anyway.). After the preview was over I sighed and said to my wife, “Great. Now that bird flu bullshit is about to start all over again.”

And today, there is a series on Slate.com about Contagion and bird flu. The Atlantic has articles about Contagion and bird flu. I hear actors – fucking actors, of course, those budding fucking pathologists – telling us that it’s not a matter of IF but WHEN. I want to grab the throat of every single talking head asswipe that says that sentence and slowly squeeze until their tracheas crumple like thin aluminum cans.

Sorry about that. Bird flu gets me a little worked up.

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Posted in Rantin' and Bitchin'

2 Comments

Tags: Annoying Things, Corporate BS, Current Events, RAGE, Two Minutes' Hate

A Friday Rant: Angsty Vampires

Jun 17

Posted by Alan Edwards

First off, sorry it’s been so long since I rapped at ya (thanks, Jim Anchower) but, well, shit happens. This week, it happened for me a lot. Back to the show. Oh, and serious profanity ahead.

It’s ubiquitous now. It’s as ingrained in our culture as breathlessly reporting on the antics of a bunch of skanks and meatheads. It’s everywhere we go, everywhere we turn.

Angsty fucking vampires.

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Posted in Rantin' and Bitchin'

25 Comments

Tags: Annoying Things, RAGE, Speechifyin', Two Minutes' Hate, Whining

And Now, A Brief Break Between Riveting Stories About Farms

Feb 3

Posted by Alan Edwards

This post is not a nice place to be. Strong language, violence, and adult themes are present. Reader discretion is advised.

Some people just set me off. Being in contact with them makes me daydream of taking my freshly-poured hot tea, throwing it in their face, and reveling in their screams just before pummeling them into small bite-size pieces. Just having them swish into my eye-line can evoke a murderous rage. Actually being forced to speak with them is enough to spark the primal urge to SMASH.

Whew. That needed to be let out. Read the rest of this entry →

Posted in Rantin' and Bitchin'

Two Minutes’ Hate II

Jun 18

Posted by Alan Edwards

There are many things in the world that piss me off (stamps required on government documents, for example). Here, I will illustrate some of the things that make me hurl obscenities like Zeus chucks thunderbolts. What I hate comes after the jump. What you hate, you can put in the comments.

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Posted in Rantin' and Bitchin'