Two Minutes’ Hate II

There are many things in the world that piss me off (stamps required on government documents, for example).  Here, I will illustrate some of the things that make me hurl obscenities like Zeus chucks thunderbolts.  What I hate comes after the jump.  What you hate, you can put in the comments.

OK, so I’m working, right?  I have a job.  It’s a professional job, in a professional building.  I have to dress up and everything.  So why the fuck do people think it is perfectly fucking okey-dokey to bring their goddamn kids in here and parade them around while my ass-munching (and mostly female) co-workers scream and swoon and insist on making so much goddamn noise that I actually have to close my office door so I can get some goddamn work done?  What the fuck?  These people actually go from office to office likes it’s a goddamn wedding receiving line and expect everyone to give a flying fuck that one of the parents managed to squeeze a living human being between their legs.   OMG IT’S A MIRACLE OF NATURE!  A BLESSED MIRACLE!  Listen: a miracle is something that happens once, against any and all expectations and natural laws.  There have been a trillion fucking births on this planet, I THINK WE CAN SAFELY SAY THAT IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.  You are not fucking special because you had a child.  And I could give a flying rat’s ass about your brat.  OH GREAT, NOW IT’S CRYING!  That’s exactly what I needed!  I fucking hate parents.

Another thing that pisses me off: the forced uses of gay-ass – excuse me, ghey-ass,don’t want to send anyone crying from the room – mashed-together words and stupid fucking acronyms.  Like the fucking puerile insistence of adding -gate to every fucking political scandal.  Watergate was a goddamn hotel name.  It wasn’t a scandal about water.  SO QUIT FUCKING ADDING GATE TO EVERY SCANDAL.  Another one is the celebrity-couple-name-mash.  Brangelina.  TomKat.  Bennifer.  Or the fucking new acronyms like FLOTUS.  Oh, First Lady is too long for you to type?  POTUS, SCOTUS – Jesus H. fucking Christ.  It is enough to make me want to murder every fucking journalist who was ever born.  I gleefully await the death of the newspaper as an industry so fucking journalists have to learn an actual trade.  I think journalists are just people who want to write but realize they have no fucking talent or imagination.  But then they try to seem clever – OH, MONICA-GATE, YOU ARE SO WRY AND WITTY – and they just reveal themselves for the douchebags they are.  Want to be different?  Add -pot Dome to the next fucking political scandal.  Fuck Spitzer-Gate, why not Spitzerpot Dome Scandal?  Every lets Harding skate on that shit.

Oh, and fuck the Dallas Cowboys.

About Alan Edwards

Former cancer caregiver. Husband of the most magical and amazing person who ever lived.

Posted on June 18, 2009, in Rantin' and Bitchin' and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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