Two Minutes’ Hate II
There are many things in the world that piss me off (stamps required on government documents, for example). Here, I will illustrate some of the things that make me hurl obscenities like Zeus chucks thunderbolts. What I hate comes after the jump. What you hate, you can put in the comments.
OK, so I’m working, right? I have a job. It’s a professional job, in a professional building. I have to dress up and everything. So why the fuck do people think it is perfectly fucking okey-dokey to bring their goddamn kids in here and parade them around while my ass-munching (and mostly female) co-workers scream and swoon and insist on making so much goddamn noise that I actually have to close my office door so I can get some goddamn work done? What the fuck? These people actually go from office to office likes it’s a goddamn wedding receiving line and expect everyone to give a flying fuck that one of the parents managed to squeeze a living human being between their legs. OMG IT’S A MIRACLE OF NATURE! A BLESSED MIRACLE! Listen: a miracle is something that happens once, against any and all expectations and natural laws. There have been a trillion fucking births on this planet, I THINK WE CAN SAFELY SAY THAT IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. You are not fucking special because you had a child. And I could give a flying rat’s ass about your brat. OH GREAT, NOW IT’S CRYING! That’s exactly what I needed! I fucking hate parents.
Another thing that pisses me off: the forced uses of gay-ass – excuse me, ghey-ass,don’t want to send anyone crying from the room – mashed-together words and stupid fucking acronyms. Like the fucking puerile insistence of adding -gate to every fucking political scandal. Watergate was a goddamn hotel name. It wasn’t a scandal about water. SO QUIT FUCKING ADDING GATE TO EVERY SCANDAL. Another one is the celebrity-couple-name-mash. Brangelina. TomKat. Bennifer. Or the fucking new acronyms like FLOTUS. Oh, First Lady is too long for you to type? POTUS, SCOTUS – Jesus H. fucking Christ. It is enough to make me want to murder every fucking journalist who was ever born. I gleefully await the death of the newspaper as an industry so fucking journalists have to learn an actual trade. I think journalists are just people who want to write but realize they have no fucking talent or imagination. But then they try to seem clever – OH, MONICA-GATE, YOU ARE SO WRY AND WITTY – and they just reveal themselves for the douchebags they are. Want to be different? Add -pot Dome to the next fucking political scandal. Fuck Spitzer-Gate, why not Spitzerpot Dome Scandal? Every lets Harding skate on that shit.
Oh, and fuck the Dallas Cowboys.