Blog Archives

Listen to Me Bitch About Game of Thrones

Well, “listen” in strictly the narrator-voice-in-your-head sense. I don’t anticipate doing any podcasts in the near future (I had actually typed out “never” before getting rid of that, since I have previously sworn that I would never get a cell phone or use Twitter and a whole lot of other things that I then embrace and growl at anything that threatens them. I’m a lousy predictor of my own future behavior.), so you needn’t worry about having to actually listen to my voice, which sounds like the screechy warble of a career monk suddenly asked to recite the Gettysburg Address live in New York City during New Years’ Eve when it’s reproduced through electronic media. Or maybe that’s just how I hear it. God I hate how my voice sounds unless I’m in Game Show Mode and I put on the Announcer Voice, the one I bust out for seminars and other public speaking events. Better to sound like a used car salesman than a hopped-up junkie pulled over for a busted tail-light.

Holy shit, I completely forgot about what I was going to say. I actually had to read the title before I remembered that this wasn’t about podcasts. So, Game of Thrones. I’ll probably start cussing more as we go. I tend to do that. You been Warned. Read the rest of this entry

Writers as Critics

I’m a writer.  I make stuff up and write it down for embarrassingly small sums of money.  I don’t write for the money, of course; I write because I like to do it, and sometimes stories nag me until I write them down, at which point they leave me alone and we never have to meet again (Now, I would be happier to do it for regrettably HUGE sums of money, but I guess that’ll happen along anytime now).  I generally like what I write, although there are parts that I hate immensely and other parts that seem to me like a real writer wrote them, one I’ve never met but enjoy reading.  Seriously, sometimes it’s like a stranger wrote something and dumped it in my manuscript.  That’s a great feeling.

However, liking what I write doesn’t make it good, so like any other writer not completely ashamed of what he’s produced I give my work to others to critique.  Sometimes I post it on a forum in a writer’s group, sometimes give it to non-writing friends, other times to writer friends.  I hope for honest feedback and seem to get it (though how would I know).  Since I’m an independent author, I don’t have actual editors to peruse my work, so most of the time it’s fellow writers who give the feedback.

This is great.  It can also be absolutely horrible. Read the rest of this entry

You Can Call Us Crazy, That’s Fine

Lady Aravan and I put our house up for sale about three weeks ago.  It generated a lot of interest – and continues to do so – and we did receive an early offer (that was low to the point of absurdity), so it was suggested that we begin to take a closer look at some properties in the areas we were interested in.  My Lady and I did have some specific criteria that we were looking for: land (enough land that our neighbors wouldn’t be on top of us, and if we couldn’t see them at all, so much the better), a good house, and not terribly far away from our respective jobs (which in many cases were in opposite directions of where we were looking).

So, we set up two appointments, one for a house we’d been looking at for close to a year that helped inspire us to want to move in the first place, and then another one, a bit closer to civilization.  The first house had a beautiful 6-acre lot, with nice pasture area and a great outbuilding.  Problem was, the house was so bad and unusable that I’d have preferred living in the outbuilding and letting the animals live in the house.

The second one, though.  Oh my.

Foodies, and Why I Hate Them

Yes.  I am aware of the fact that I just spent a week discussing my trip to a small farm to learn how to make raw milk cheese.  I am also aware that I went to that farm because I saw it on a foodie show.  You might think it makes me a hypocrite.  I contend that it does not.  I am not a foodie.  I love food.  But I am not a foodie.  Foodies are those pretentious guttersnots moaning about how wonderful offal is and discuss how they are going to get their Parisian cheese flown in.  I hate those people.

I just read this article in the Atlantic about foodies.  Go ahead and read it.  You will understand the people I mean.  Go ahead.  I’ll wait. Read the rest of this entry

And Now, A Brief Break Between Riveting Stories About Farms

This post is not a nice place to be.  Strong language, violence, and adult themes are present.  Reader discretion is advised.

Some people just set me off.  Being in contact with them makes me daydream of taking my freshly-poured hot tea, throwing it in their face, and reveling in their screams just before pummeling them into small bite-size pieces.  Just having them swish into my eye-line can evoke a murderous rage.  Actually being forced to speak with them is enough to spark the primal urge to SMASH.

Whew.  That needed to be let out. Read the rest of this entry

My Investment Strategy

Ever since I can remember, I’ve been told how to invest and grow my money.  The stock market.  Mutual funds.  IRAs, 401(k)s, blah blah blah.  By doing so, I’m told, I can expect a good rate of return over the long haul, making my money “work for me” (a nice bit of bullshit wordsmithing that means precisely nothing) instead of hanging around doing nothing.  This way, when I get old enough, I can Retire.  Ahhh, what a word.  Retire.  Days spent leisurely sipping lemonade on the porch – that’s what retirement seems to mean, at least according to the commercials.  Oh, and golf.  Lots of fucking golf in peach-colored pants and white belts.

I fucking hate golf.

Read the rest of this entry

Being Sick

You heard it here first: getting sick royally blows.

No, no, bear with me.  All that excitement you feel at the idea of a sore throat, hacking cough, a nose that goes from plugged tighter than the vacuum seal on the goddamn International Space Station to a sudden pouring rush like the freaking Niagara?  See, it actually isn’t all fun and games and getting off of work and sleeping like a cold remedy commercial.  It actually really really sucks.  It’s nothing like you see on TV.

Totally blows. Read the rest of this entry

Writerly Advice

Every writer, the world over, struggles often.  Finding the right word, or most elegant way to phrase a thought, or breathing life into a character whose only existence is among the carefully arranged symbols of an alphabet.  It can be maddening, liberating, and soul-crushingly depressing all in the span of seconds.  The blank white space of the paper or screen can mock and goad.  The specter of the dreaded writer’s block hovering over every pause and momentary mental blank-out.

One thing no writer is ever short of, though, is advice. Read the rest of this entry

Politics As Usual

As the title indicates, this post is about politics.  I am going to be mouthy and opinionated.  I will probably use a few curse words (UPDATE: yeah, I sure did.  A lot).  I just wanted to get that warning out there.  If bad language and one ignorant man’s opinions offend you, you don’t want to read this. Read the rest of this entry

Gently Rapping Your Head Against a Brick Wall, AKA Getting a Publishing Agent

Have you ever wanted to inflict yourself with crippling self-doubt? Perhaps you enjoy your current job, but miss the feeling of receiving rejection letters or simple stony silence? Does poring over a business form letter to ensure that it somehow manages to be both professional and stands out from the crowd all at the same time sound like a lot of fun to you? Then I have a suggestion for YOU! Try to get yourself a publishing agent! Read the rest of this entry