Posted by Alan Edwards
You heard it here first: getting sick royally blows.
No, no, bear with me. All that excitement you feel at the idea of a sore throat, hacking cough, a nose that goes from plugged tighter than the vacuum seal on the goddamn International Space Station to a sudden pouring rush like the freaking Niagara? See, it actually isn’t all fun and games and getting off of work and sleeping like a cold remedy commercial. It actually really really sucks. It’s nothing like you see on TV.
Anyway, I’m close to feeling back to normal. I got sick during the friggin’ New Years’ Eve Party – fever, sore throat – and couldn’t figure out what the hell was happening (due to some alcohol consumption). The next day when I was pretty much immobilized I figured it out. It’s taken until now to get close to normal. Still waking up with a clogged nose for some reason, along with an irritatingly sporadic cough, but nearly there. It’s about friggin’ time.
So the next time someone tries to high-five you over being sick, punch them in the sternum, very hard.