15k in 15 Day: Help Me Humiliate Myself

So today I was doing my normal lunchtime workout. I spend this time exercising, but I also spend a lot of it thinking about writing and other stuff. Today, sometime halfway through my whey protein shake, an idea struck me. See, I’ve been working on the sequel to The Curse of Troius for a really long fucking time. Too long. WAYYYYY too long. It’s turned into this 1800-pound cackling imp that rides around on my back waiting for people to ask me how my writing’s going so it can grab my earlobes and thrash around wailing and howling with maniacal laughter only I can hear while I try to come up with an articulate answer besides IT’S GOING REALLY REALLY SHITTY RIGHT NOW AND IF YOU’LL EXCUSE ME I’M GOING TO POP OFF AND EAT A GALLON OF DISHWASHING LIQUID.

So anyway, an idea came to me today, as I said. I used the idea once before, last year when I wanted to be able to do 100 pushups in a row. I put it out to my friends that if I couldn’t do those 100 pushups by a certain date, I would do something painful (well, mentally painful; I’m not actually masochistic). With that incentive in mind, I was able to accomplish my goal. So, in the spirit of that successful venture, I am today announcing my new plan:

15k in 15 Day.

Yeah, I know it should be Days but it’s more poetic this way.

Anyway, here’s the plan. Storm stands at exactly 70,325 words right now. 15,000 more words should finish the damn thing once and for all. So here it is: if I can write those 15,000 words by midnight on September 30th, then I win. I get a finished novel to begin editing and publishing. You get bupkis except for those that might want to read it or the warm glow of satisfaction knowing that you helped push me to finish the damn thing.

And if I don’t? That’s where you come in.

I need your help in coming up with a proper punishment. A Humiliation, if you will. If I fail, I will perform whatever humiliating thing is suggested, videotape it, and post it on YouTube with blog posts and Tweets calling attention to it. You’ll get the warm glow of seeing someone do something idiotic.

The ground rules are simple:

1) It has to be legal in the United States.

2) It can involve no damage to my face, because my wife will not tolerate that.

3) My wife has to approve it in general, since she is going to be The Monitor and make sure I follow through.

4) Seriously, I don’t like pain.

5) It cannot, under any circumstances, involve me praising the Dallas Cowboys or wearing their apparel. I have standards of decency.

So, I’m begging you. Please help me by posting suggestions here or on Facebook or Twitter or smoke signals or JumboTron or dixie cup or whatever for some act I can perform if I fail. Hell, if it’s inventive enough, I might do it anyway as a way to celebrate the 1800 pound imp getting off my back.

About Alan Edwards

Former cancer caregiver. Husband of the most magical and amazing person who ever lived.

Posted on September 15, 2011, in Kerfluffle and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. I know a couple of good drag nights, first we get you a real fancy blonde beehive wig. (like one of those fifties hair dos) Then we get you a nice little pink or black dress, something flattering. Some nice 3 inch heels would do as well, you may be able to borrow some from Kierra. Then we take you to a gay club or drag show, I know a couple good drag nights around the area.

  2. We can also let Lisa and Kierra do your makeup.

  3. Ooooh, oooh, and they can get you a purse to match your eyes.

  4. If you fail, you’ll have to attend the opening of the new TWILIGHT movie.

    You have to go dressed up as Edward…wearing an Edward tee-shirt…and with Edward glitter on your face.

    I believe the film opens in November, so you’ll get a full month-and-a-half to look forward to the experience. =D

    • That is humiliating. And in another odd coincidence, I believe my wife owns a Team Edward t-shirt (it was a gift – long story). I think it’s glittery. Wow. That would be awful.

      In other words, Thanks! Heh.

  5. Oh my! I LOVE both suggestions actually! Either would be a great consequence! Ooooooo… the scheming begins! I do have a blonde bee-hive wig AND a Team Edwards shirt! Oh this is priceless so far… keep up the fantastic suggestions everyone!

    Oh and I agree – you can’t hurt the money maker… nothing to his face or hair, I’d just die

    • See? Told you.

      Somehow, I can see this spinning off into the 12 Labors of Hercules territory. The 12 Humiliations of Alan.

  6. Oh. I actually thought you were working on a George R. R. thing with the new book. Actually, now that I think about it, the thought that people might think that is what you are doing might be incentive enough to bang out those 15,000 words.

    Although, I really like Team Edward idea.

    And none of this has anything to do with the fact that you owe me a copy of Storm for writing a review of Curse. Really.

  7. OMG. I am in full support of both ideas! This is AWESOME!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: