Holy Shit, Do I Need a Vacation

Hidey ho. For the past few days, I’ve been contemplating new blog posts. My last one, though, is a hard one to follow. I’ve struggled with writing some pointless angry rant about flip-flops or some other equally stupid shit when the last thing I wrote here was a heartfelt and painful goodbye to a friend I wasn’t ready to lose just yet. It just didn’t feel right to me. I’m sure if Carl was here, he’d insist that I write some stupid piece of shit drivel because that’s what I do, and he wouldn’t want me to change.

So I’m trying. It’ll be drivel, no doubt, and useless, but it’ll be something, at least.

I am burnt the fuck out. The last month has been painful. Well, here, I’ll break down my year so far from a work standpoint: as an accountant, when the year ends, the “fun” begins, and those sarcastiquotes can’t get any more sarcastique. All hell breaks loose for me. January is payroll changes and tax forms and filings and international accounting deadlines. February is shifting companies to work on audit and the prep of financial statements. March is hopefully wrapping that shit up, then starting on the international audit. April is finishing everything that didn’t get done, then finishing the first quarter financials for the international company by the 21st. May is working on the other company financials. June brings news that we need to revamp how we do everything we do while still doing it for the remainder of the year. Then July 1 hits, and again I have 21 days to finish the international company’s financials, then I have to scramble to finish the other companies’ financials.

So, to reiterate: I am burnt the motherfuck out.

My wife’s company has slow times that nearly always coincide with my busiest times and vice versa. August is about the one time we have where things slow down enough for us both. We haven’t taken vacation, a real vacation where we actually go somewhere for a week and chill the fuck out, in a lot of years. This year we are. Next week. We’re going to GenCon, which is one of the Holy Trinity of Nerddom (ComicCon and E3 being the others). We will be surrounded by thousands of nerds like us, many of them in inappropriate costumes for their body type, or smelling like slowly fermenting cabbage, or both. I will drink way too much. I will smoke way too much. I will raise a glass to Carl with a big group of his friends and wish he was there. I will relax, because if I don’t, then I will Hulk the fuck out and people will read about me assaulting a parking garage with a cardboard tube.

I know I need it. Today, as I walked past my boss’ office, I did my normal ritual of pretending that I’m holding a detonator in one hand and pushing the button, causing a massive Hollywood explosion to erupt from the side of the building. I can feel the detonator: it’s slightly longer than my palm, about the thickness of a roll of dimes. It’s a nice flat matte silver color with a tapering series of cylinders towards the tip, which is a red button, slightly raised in the center, with a ring of concentric circles radiating from its highest point. My thumb always caresses the button before I push it as I walk past.

Yes, I really make the clicky motion with my thumb. Every day. Today I made a quiet but audible BOOM noise as I did it.

This is how I know I need a vacation.

I’m trying not to think about it being so close, since otherwise I’ll just sit here daydreaming and not do any of the things I need to do as I stare into space with a blank hum echoing through my head. But knowing it’s there makes me feel a little better.

Not nearly as much as hitting that button, though. Boom.

UPDATE: I’m thinking about being one of those people who dress completely ridiculously by busting out the Wez costume I put together a few years ago:

Aww yeah, nerdy goodness.

About Alan Edwards

Former cancer caregiver. Husband of the most magical and amazing person who ever lived.

Posted on July 27, 2011, in Kerfluffle and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. Part of me got excited to think you’d geek out and dress in costume but at the same time part of me died a little to think you’d geek out and dress in costume, hahahaha! Oh I could dust off the old Auntie costume, I’d need to replace a few pieces…. hmmmm….

  2. How can he possibly resist the maddening urge to eradicate history at the mere push of a single button? The beautiful, shiny button? The jolly, candy-like button? Will he hold out, folks? Can he hold out?

    • HAHAHAHAHA that’s perfect. I love Ren and Stimpy. I should have made one of the tags SPACCCE MADDDDDNESSSSSS!!!!!!!

  3. It’s the time of year for Burning the Fuck Out ™. The only way I’ve avoided it is by easing back on the social media (I did, I swear!) and not blogging as much (down to 2 a week from, after this week I’ll be down to 1 a week). Work inspired me to do the Wile E. Coyote bit, because I thought seriously about bring a Burmese tiger trap to work and setting it up outside of my cubicle.

    Word, dude. Dress up as Wez. Go find some pretty-boy Mad Max lookalike and intimidate the hell out of him. Drink, smoke and be merry. And enjoy GenCon (I have yet to go, even though I work for WotC, because…well, because GenCon is when Hasbro AUDITS us!, WEEEEEEE!!!).

    I’m taking over your rant with my rant. Sorry. LOL

    All I MEANT to say was: you deserve the break. Go. Enjoy. It’ll kick ass. Come back rejuvenated and fresh, like a diet soda.

    • That’s quite all right. All Rants Welcome!

      I cut back a lot on social media the last few weeks, not intentionally per se, but had no time. I’ve skipped all blogs but yours and Jen’s, since I just couldn’t do anymore.

      Hopefully I’ll feel much better after staggering around slurring a Wez impression and inventing new hangover cures. I’ll do a write-up of GenCon when I get back, if it warrants one, so you’ll know if you’re missing out.

  4. I seriously could not stop laughing over the detonator thing. Awesome. Hope someone heard the quiet “Boom”. Thanks for making my morning. Hope you guys have fun at the GenCon dealio. That costume is ummmm…well….hmmm. Nice boots and gloves. The pics I saw online of the Comic Con costumes were hilarious. You guys must go in full crazy costume and must take pics. Do it!

    I was just thinking about you last night when I read we may end up with your guy McNabb. Oh great. Looking forward to the season already. Not.

    • Luckily for me, no one heard the BOOM.

      Funny – you were also one of the first people I thought of when news of the Donovan trade broke. Be happy, though. In the Realm of Redskins Personnel Moves, this means that McNabb will pass for 4,500 yards and 46 TDs, since the Skins will only be getting a 6th rounder.

  5. Totally with you, my friend. Seriously was thinking about writing this very same blog post. Except maybe without the Wez thing since I have no idea what that is. I used to dress up at cons as Catwoman, so I understand the allure of the costume. Something about a mask and submerging the “real” me into some “other” me that people seemed to enjoy a lot more. But I digress…

    Maybe it’s summer. Maybe it’s circadian rhythms or some shit. Yeah. I need that fucking vacation too.

    • But..but….you did a whole Aussie Aussomeness Week! Wez is from The Road Warrior, second of the Mad Max movies. I don’t even know what to say, other than watch it, like, right now.

      I hope you get your vacation soon. =) One where you can just turn the brain off.

  6. This picture brings back memories. We still have a picture of you in this costume hidden in the help for the software. Ahh, good times, mole man. Hope we didn’t stress you out this much, although you standing on the desk and shouting at the phone is still part of the company legend .

    PS My son and I are already planning our trip to E3 next year. Thanks for shattering my illusions that I’ve left my geek past behind.

    And by the way, I love the blog. I don’t often feel funny or snarky enough to post comments, but I sure do enjoy reading it. Keep up the good work.

    • The fact it still lurks in the help file brings me unbridled joy.

      And never once did I even remotely ever want to blow you up (Actually, you’re the best boss I’ve ever had). Now, I DID imagine that I had this supernanobot thingy at my desk that would shoot out through the phone lines and rewire the brains of the people who called in. I’m glad my raging lunacy still lives on in story form, hahaha.

      And you will always be a geek, but that’s a good thing. Keeps you young. You still have the guitar thing to keep you on the Cool Side.

      It’s cool and awesome to have you as a reader, by the way.

  7. I hope you have fun on your vacation. Have you been able to work on your new novel at all?

    • The tiniest fraction of a little bit – a couple of paragraphs, plus some rearranging. I HOPE to get a good bit in tomorrow. /fingers crossed

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