Well.  The day I dreaded was here.  I knew Bob was waiting for me in the basement, and I wasn’t feeling particularly ready.  The night before, I had prepared myself for this day by inviting over friends, drinking booze, and smoking a handful of cigarettes.  I went to sleep around 4 am.  I knew I had to help a friend move today as well, at 12:30, so when I woke up at 10:30 Lady Aravan and I groggily determined that working out beforehand was for the best, which meant now.  Right away.  Oy.  Down an Aleve, drink my special weekend protein drink (worth a tangent: if you like Creamsickles at all, then you can make a surprisingly tasty facsimile of one using EAS Whey Protein powder [vanilla] mixed with sugar-free Orange Metamucil.  I know, I know, it sounds disgusting, or at least unsavory, but it is surprisingly good.  To me, anyway.  Lady Aravan agrees as well, and it was her idea to begin with, so credit to her.  48 grams of protein and plenty of fiber!  Heh.), fill up the water, and away we go.

Bob wants us to do exercise 1 of his DVD.  It’s 30 minutes.  Stephanie is there, looking mildly apprehensive, but she has no earthly idea what is in store for her.  I do, since I watched it once, but I don’t remember it all.  Here we go.  Warm-up time.  Most warm-ups are pleasant, involving a little stretching, maybe a little easy cardio.  Heh.  Bob’s warm-up is handwalks.  Bend at the waist, hands on the floor, walk out to plank, walk the hands back up, and stand.  15 times.  Then you do Burpees.  Squat, hands on the floor, kick your legs out into plank, jump them back in, stand.  15 times.

Then we’re swinging weights.  About 2 minutes in and I sound like an asthmatic.  Swing swing, then a heavier weight, more swings, then a heavier weight, more swings.  Then it’s plank rows, with weights, only now our feet are elevated on a step.  Then we’re lunging a lot.  Then it’s back to the top.

In between, there are about 15 nanoseconds to change exercises.  We never stop moving.  Rushing rushing rushing.  Heart rate is crazy.  Stephanie, who really demonstrates what a powerhouse she is in this video, is looking as fatigued as us.  The second time through, during the lunges, Bob tells us that he is going to make it harder.  Stephanie’s face is priceless as she says sarcastically, “Yay!”

Bob makes it tougher.  Oh yes.  We are supposed to do jumping lunges.  I’ve never done one in my life.  My knees are bad, and I’ve always assumed that I couldn’t.  Oh, what the hell, I think, and try it.  I do it, and so does Lady Aravan.  I’m stoked.  Again, again, and we’re really doing it.  Any pride and happiness I feel is quickly blotted out by the realization that I know feel like I am going to die.  I can’t suck in enough air.  Sweat isn’t dripping off of me, it is shooting through the air as I move.

Then we are doing some kind of bizarre move.  Squat down deep, butt goes to the floor.  Roll onto your back.  Without using your hands, roll back to your feet and stand.  They sound easy.  Stephanie makes it look easy.  They aren’t, and she quickly doesn’t look like they are easy anymore.  Lady Aravan can’t do them – ever-conscious of her back (unless, of course, she decides that she wants to paint behind the refrigerator while I’m not home, when she’ll gleefully pull the thing out and end up in pain for a week later, but that’s neither here nor there), she tries it, but the idea of just quickly going down on her back, makes her hesitate, and without momentum it becomes impossible for her to get back on her feet.  She’s unhappy about not being able to do them.

Then it’s Turkish Get Ups, one of the most humorous exercise names I’ve heard.  Hold a weight in one hand above your head.  Squat down.  Down to your butt.  Lay back, weight still straight up in the air, legs flat.  Then get back up, keeping that weight in the air.  Quickly.  It’s really hard.  Lady Aravan is struggling with this one too.  Now she’s even less happy.

We finally finish.  It felt like an eternity while it was going on, but suddenly it’s over.  I am beat.  Lady Aravan is really bothered by the fact that she couldn’t do two of the exercises.  I tell her she kicked butt, but she’s not having it, not yet.  Later, she’ll tell me that I can quote her: “I am angry that I couldn’t do those exercises.  But now, it just means that I have another pair of goals.”  She my inspiration.

Made it through.  Brutal.  I’ll do an in-depth review of the DVD itself tomorrow, most likely, but now I am tired.  Between Bob’s workout and moving the heaviest couch that didn’t include a bed in it that I’ve ever come across, I am thoroughly exhausted.