Five Things on a Monday – December 8th 2014

He hungers for souls.

He hungers for souls.

Since I don’t have any opinions on hotly-contested topics I wanted to express – today, anyway – I thought I’d fall back on an old thing I used to do, five brief blurbs about something that I find interesting or annoying or happening or some kind of ing. Here are those five things for today:

1. I saw BBC’s Sherlock for the first time this past weekend. I’d heard a lot about it from people – well, mostly about how people of all sexes want to carry Benedict Cumberbatch’s babies – but I’d never gotten a chance (well, actually, I’d never carved out the space for it) to see the show before. I thought it was a great show, with an excellent cast doing an amazing job of putting Sherlock in the modern day without losing the Holmesy feel. BC (even I have my limits on how much I want to type) and Martin Freeman absolutely sparkle in their interactions and make a script full of superb dialogue really crackle like a mouthful of locusts. Moriarty, Lestrade, Irene Adler – they all put a different spin on the classic characters and really shine, but none more so than Moriarty (played by Andrew Scott), who makes both the funniest and scariest villain I’ve seen in a long time – he is just flat-out crazy and awesome. So if you have missed this obscure series (it’s only won several Emmys, BAFTAs, and Golden Globes and is the most-watched drama series in the UK and insured international stardom for BC – it’s been flying well under the radar and you’ve probably never heard of it), I’d recommend you give it a whirl. And unlike those people who expect you to watch the entirety of The Wire and Dexter and the Sopranos and Parks and Recreation and Scandal and etc and so forth – watching all of it would take you just one longish Saturday binge.

2. One thing I do not understand about Sherlock is the whole universe wanted to have BC’s babies – the dude creeps me out more than anything. He’s a great actor, but being introduced to the concept of the Purple Shirt of Sex (for some reason, despite BC’s very thin build, his shirt buttons strain and gap as if they are holding back some imminent explosion of pasty [seriously, I think he’s half albino] flesh but is probably caused by the fact that they are children’s shirts that Sherlock absentmindedly forgot to update as he grew. It’s very odd, but adherents to the show revel in it. This probably needs more study) left me more than a little puzzled. Don’t get me wrong, I love his portrayal of Sherlock, but the obsession angle of his fans is a little strange to oblivious ol’ me. To me he looks at least half-alien, and not in a good way, more like in the way that halfway through the second act his human facemask slips and everyone sees and he mildly says “Oh bother” before distending his jaw and biting the head off of the nearest person and ordering the other hidden aliens to come and enslave us all and use us for fuel or drinking water or whatever the aliens are always interested in Earth and people in particular for, or maybe that’s just me.

3. I have started to learn about music for the first time in my life (well, since elementary school and that fine experience with recorders and singing “Sloop John B” and “Yellow Submarine” and large xylophones and triangles, all of which is probably done on purpose to make music as uninteresting as possible to a large swath of people so there is less competition in the music industry, because god forbid they actually introduce children to instruments and music that are remotely related to anything in current culture), you know, stuff like keys and scales and suspensions, and I have learned one thing above all others, which is that I know fuck-all about music. I now know enough to feel completely unqualified to listen to it. I’ll get better. I hope. (Actually, it’s really cool to learn how different things that cause emotional reactions in me to music are done and it’s fascinating to me. There is, however, a metric fuckton to learn, but I have a good and patient teacher so it’s all good)

4. I set out to not use a single curse word in this post and deleted 22 instances of profanity before giving up in the last section.


This is what Apple people are doing to me right now for my impertinence – but I DID have the presence of mind to delete the “At least I waited until Steve Jobs was dead” line.

5. Lastly, and most tectonically, I now have, for the first time in my life, purchased an – I can’t believe I’m about to say this – Apple product. I have sold out to The Man, and I now carry an iPhone. I am resisting the indoctrination for complete Apple Fanboydom, since I still use a PC and have a Windows Surface, but I was seduced by the speed with which the phone performs everything I ask it to and the fucking ridiculous quality of the camera (Slo-mo! Time-lapse!) and I went over to the Dark Side and allied myself with all that is unholy. So I am asking you this, world, and it’s important: if you ever see me casually drop “MacBook Air” into conversation instead of laptop (I don’t own one! I won’t! I won’t! But if I do….), then I need you to promise me, solemnly swear, vow an oath unshakeable, that you will drag me behind the barn (any barn) and put me down with whatever means at your disposal – shotgun, sledgehammer, James Franco/Seth Rogan movie marathon, whatever – because I don’t want to live like that.

About Alan Edwards

Former cancer caregiver. Husband of the most magical and amazing person who ever lived.

Posted on December 8, 2014, in Kerfluffle and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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