Category Archives: Philosophizin'
Weapon of Choice: Zombie Apocalypse Style
A comment on my Zombieland post from yesterday has had me thinking. In a zombie apocalypse, what would be my weapon, or weapons, of choice? Nearly always, someone asked that question would answer “shotgun” without hesitation. I can understand this, to a degree: a shotgun does horrific damage at close range, capable of ripping through an undead head with deadly efficacy; the action of pumping a shotgun just before a fight just sounds cool; and it’s nearly fetishized in Zombie Culture at this point.
That said, I would never carry one, with two exceptions.
Disputing the Zombieland Rules: Rule 1: Cardio
I really enjoyed the movie Zombieland – it was funny, acted well for the most part, had plenty of memorable scenes, and introduced a great concept: The Rules, presented as an ironclad set of laws designed to keep a person alive during a zombie apocalypse. Many of them I agree with or have no problem with: Check the Back Seat, When In Doubt, Know Your Way Out, and Hygiene are all great rules. Some of them, though, can be somewhat misleading in my opinion, and that includes the very first rule: Cardio.
The Lure of the Apocalypse
Imagine: in an instant, all your credit card debt is wiped away. School loans? Gone. The mortgage or rent payment is no longer an issue. That job you schlep to with the boss that by rights shouldn’t be qualified to flip burgers is a thing of the past, its entire purpose dissolved and rendered meaningless. No more homework, or working nights and weekends, or being burdened with the thousand trivial idiocies that consume every second of our lives, from political bullshit to scare-tactic news to nosy neighbors and irritating phone calls. Welcome to the Apocalypse. Read the rest of this entry
The Rules of Football Fandom
I take being a Redskins fan very seriously. Some would probably say too seriously, like myself. I know I take it way too seriously. A Redskins loss bothers me for two days minimum, and that’s if I didn’t watch it. A watched loss bothers me all week. It ruins my Sunday night to the point where I can’t sleep. I think it’s best for everyone that I continue my current practice of watching very few Redskins games. It’s better for everyone involved.
But I digress. The point of this post is to illustrate certain universal truths, nay, commandments, about football fandom. These rules are very clear and simple, and yet are violated to a ridiculous degree. We need to stop this from happening. We must shame the transgressors, and if they insist on continuing, then we will be forced to bury them up to their necks in sand and throw rocks at their faces until they die. It’s a commandment, whattaya gunna do? Read the rest of this entry
The Art of the Short Story
I’ve been reading a compilation of Fritz Leiber short stories for the last few weeks, savoring them at a rate of one over a day or two. I thoroughly enjoy his work and style. Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser are two absolutely iconic and genre-shaping characters – as much the root of DnD and the current fantasy tropes as Lord of the Rings – and I don’t think Leiber gets enough credit for that. Read the rest of this entry
It’s Just One Day
How many times have we told that to ourselves, just before we completely overindulge in high-calorie, low-health food? It’s one of those things that we tell ourselves to rationalize away the self-sabotaging stories. Others, like “there are no calories at a party” or “no calories if the food comes from someone else’s plate” are meant as little jokes, something everyone can chuckle over since they know it isn’t true, and yet at its core, it’s still rationalization. Read the rest of this entry
Modern-Day Myths
It seems to me that sometime shortly after Man began taking his first tottering, uncertain steps without using his knuckles, he became totally, utterly bored. Reality was so disenchanting and dull. The tribe was unimpressed by the truth of the deer Grog brought back from the hunt: sick from disease and weakened by thirst and fever, the animal fell behind the pack and just sort of laid down on the ground and Grog just hit in the head with the big rock. It’s Truth, but it is also Dull. So one day, Grog decided to embellish the story just a little: now, Grog let fly with a rock just as the majestic deer was in mid-leap across the stream that would forever deny the lucky tribe their tasty venison, and his powerful throw that struck the deer in the head saved them all from starvation.
On the one hand, it’s true: Grog hit a deer in the head with a rock, killed it, and took it back to camp where everyone fed. It’s just the circumstances behind the Truth that are subtly changed. And thus, as Man realized how exciting the world could be, he began to copulate like mad to fill this exciting new world. And along with all of the children who would, millenia later, be genetically honed to become department-store perfume salespeople and middle managers, the Myth was born.
It might have happened something like that. The Truth is undoubtedly more dull and obvious.
Why I Can Never Root For Michael Vick: A Hopefully Rational Viewpoint
Recently, I’ve read three articles written by prominent sports media figures describing why they are rooting for Michael Vick to succeed and become a inspirational story as he plays for the Philadelphia Eagles: Jason Whitlock of Fox Sports, Bill Simmons of ESPN.com, and Barry Petchesky of Deadspin. The gist for all three is the same: Vick has paid his dues to society for dogfighting, and deserves to become a role model for future generations for battling through his own demons and adversity. To some degree or another, they all indicate that they understand why some may disagree. Read the rest of this entry
Goals
Goals are funny things. On the one hand, they provide motivation, an end to shape and target your means, the light at the end of the tunnel. They help you keep your eyes on the prize, to remember that it’s a marathon not a sprint, and every incremental step towards that goal becomes fuel for taking the next, harder step.
On the other hand, what happens when you reach your goal? There’s that feeling of exaltation – I did it! The feeling of pride, of joy, it’s amazing, and makes all that hard work worthwhile. Then you get up the next day. What then? Celebrate with an ice cream sundae? (Note: DO NOT celebrate with an ice cream sundae) Take the day off and bask in your own awesomeness? (See previous note) Read the rest of this entry
Atheism
I am a proud atheist. I don’t try to hide that fact, but I also don’t bring it up unless asked. I don’t preach to my religious friends of the “error of their ways”, and indeed I don’t have a big problem with people having faith in general. I do have a problem when faith is wielded like a weapon or used to cast judgments on others. I have much stronger feelings on organized religions themselves, much more negative. I firmly believe that the earliest religions were a mechanism for a chosen few to gain and retain power over a large mass of people, and I don’t think much has changed over the millenia.
Winter in Derenemyn 