Julienne made New Year’s Eve special for me in a way it had never been before. Whether we celebrated it at a friend’s house, with her parents watching fireworks over the Inner Harbor, in Vienna at a palace ball, or in a club getting bottle service accompanied by a marching band, it was always special. Because of her. I’m posting pictures of those past celebrations on Instagram. I should be easy to find.

2019 had some of the best days of my life. It also had the very worst ones. I don’t want it to go, though, because 2019 will always be the last year that I got to kiss Julienne, to hold her hand, to smell her hair, to hold her and be held by her, to fall asleep next to her, to laugh and cry and dance and snuggle and play, together with her. 2020 will be the first year without her, when I know what I am missing. 2020 can eat a bag of dicks.

Julienne did another holiday song, of course. Play it tonight just after midnight. And, if you like, you can ring in the new year with us from 2016, when we were happy and in love and still facing the world together. I hope your new year is a happy and joyous one. Do things you never expected you’d do. Take risks, but not too many or too dangerous. Tell people you love them. Allow yourself to be loved, especially by your own self. Remember thou art mortal. Remember those you’ve loved and lost, or just lost contact with. Do not forget auld lang syne.