We’re almost there! Nearly caught up! I almost watched Episode 7 directly after Episode 6 last night, because for the first time in a while I was eager to see what was going to happen next. That’s a good sign. I decided to stick with the original plan I had, though, since if I watched more than one at once I was afraid that I get mixed up and that reviews for the earlier episodes would be colored by later ones. So, tonight I’ll watch Ep 7. I’m actually looking forward to it. Huh.

Which is odd, because it wasn’t like Episode 6 was awesome or anything. In fact, I find it hard to remember exactly what happened in a lot of it. The talky parts were pretty dull for the most part. I think what carried the episode for me was Shane, since Fuckin’ Daryl was reduced to a single glimpse of him in a tent. It also featured something that was awesomely realistic and true to life, which I appreciated since they didn’t have to do it.

The downside of this episode for me was once again Glenn (I finally saw how it’s really spelled! God I’m too lazy for this job.). He was asked last episode to keep a secret by two different people, including the girl who has been kind and desperate enough to bang him. But this week we learn that he is “without guile” and apparently even the thought of maybe having to lie to someone makes him uncomfortable and awkward and pained and moronic. So this guy has never been able to keep a secret, eh? I can picture him now: as a young teen, going to the dinner table, his father asking how his day was, and Glenn blurting, “I smacked off to the Sears catalog.” With his first girlfriend, who asks if her jeans make her look fat, “No, it’s all the French fries you eat that makes your ass so big and gross.” To a cop that pulls him over, “Yes, I know how fast I was going, and if you hadn’t pulled me over I’d have been doing at least 90.” I mean, OK, I get it, he’s supposed to be such a good guy that he can’t lie. So when Lori asked him the first fucking time to be discrete and he agreed, why didn’t he bring it up then? Does he not know that “discrete” pretty much means “keep your fucking mouth shut”? I think they overdid his truthiness thing in this episode to the degree that it became completely unbelievable.

So of course he blurts everything out to Dale, the biggest busybody and nosiest fucker on the show. Glenn also gets all up in Lori’s business once again about telling Rick. For some reason, maybe because she’s also a complete idiot, Lori asks Glenn to go on another secret mission for her. She hasn’t apparently had enough evidence that Glenn isn’t exactly the most trustworthy fellow. Of course, she also entrusts him to discretely get her a whole bunch of fucking Morning After pills, because he’s shown zero interest in what she asks for and doesn’t care why she needs it, other than trying to tell her how to run her life. Of course, like all notes in this show, he apparently doesn’t read it. Dale then proceeds to immediately confront Herschel and Lori with his new information, since he knows what’s best for everyone. More on him later. Back to Glenn.

So he and Maggie (i.e. Aragorn FarmChick. I finally learned what her name was. Credit to Mirwyn for making it stick.) go back to the drugstore. She’s not talking to him and he’s all upset and wants to know why. Because he’s dumb. “Because you betrayed my trust,” she finally says, forgetting to add, “you fucking asshole.” He turns it around and makes it about the “walkers”. I’ve never understood why they always refer to them as walkers. The one with no legs that Rick shot in the first season – was that a walker? I ask because it had no fucking legs. So what do they call that? A crawler? Is one with one leg a hopper? Are there limpers? Rollers? It’s just a little jarring after a while. None of them have ever seen a zombie movie before and accidentally calls it that? Or did they all agree not to use “the Zed word” like in Shaun of the Dead?

Anyway, they debate over the zombies in the barn, since Maggie still thinks of them as beloved family members, setting up the inevitable “hey look they really are horrible monsters” moment which takes place at the drugstore. Maggie gets grabbed, Glenn saves her, epiphany happens, along with kissing. They grab lotion and emergency contraception and go back. Maggie is all pissed at Lori for putting them in danger for her “abortion pills” as she yells and throws them around. She thinks Glenn is a smart and brave guy who gets used and abused by his friends, since she’s known him for about three days. She happens to be right, but whatever.

Now time for a tangent, since I brought up the time thing. My wife and I got into a debate about how much time has passed in the last few episodes. I am pretty sure that it’s been a grand total of four or five days passing, since everything is fitting together that way. She thinks it should be longer, since last episode Carl was still apparently weak and passed out and this time he’s up and talking and apparently perfectly fine. But there is no evidence of anything else happening over the several days it would require for that to make sense. I am fairly certain that four days have passed at the most since Carl got plugged.

Back to the “action.” Like I said, after Dale learns everyone’s secrets, he immediately goes around telling people what they should be doing. He handled Lori pretty well, actually, because he’s a master manipulator. With Herschel, though, he has a philosophical discussion about Good and Evil and who is eating who, but Herschel ain’t having it and sticks to his guns. For some reason Dale then asks if they can reinforce the barn. Last time I checked, they hadn’t gotten out or anything. As a matter of fact, they have been so secure that the zombies just apparently stand around making no noise whatsoever while they are in there. So it was an odd point to bring up. Apparently Herschel agrees with me and blows Dale off. I have a feeling that the zombies will now suddenly break out and cause chaos. Whatever.

Suddenly Spry Carl wants to learn to shoot and asks Shane, because he apparently feels more comfortable talking to the guy who would do whatever it takes to keep him and his mother alive than his parents. That should say something right there. He also steals a gun, which doesn’t even get him grounded or anything. On the contrary, he gets exactly what he wants with no repercussions. It’ll be awesome when he decides he wants to learn how to drive and steals the Winnebago. So Shane takes the nameless girls from the farm and Carl and the kid from last episode and Andrea and they all go shoot learnin’. Immediately they are all breaking bottles and all that, T-Dog of course gets to correct a gangsta wanna-be, because the writers are as adept at writing for African-Americans as they are for women. Andrea proves to be awesome at shooting stationary signs. Carl proves to have super-human wrist strength, because he looks to be firing a .38 Special snubnose that kicks like a mule like most small handguns because it has no size or weight to absorb recoil, but the Boy Wonder can handle it.

Shane decides to teach Andrea further by having her attempt to hit a moving target. This was the scene that felt most real to me, since what Shane did is exactly what actual paid instructors do to someone they are trying to teach how to defend themselves. He stresses Andrea the hell out, because when she is trying to defend herself she is going to be freaking the fuck out, and she needs to learn how to handle it. Well done scene. Of course, I think they are still trying to make Shane the bad guy, but he once again was doing the right thing here. Anyway, he goes too far, and Andrea gets pissed and walks off. He catches up in a Toyota Prius, which Dale helpfully will note later gets great gas mileage, tells Andrea about a lead on Sophie, and they go to a housing development. They enter one house, see a bunch of dead zombies, then a bunch of burnt people, and Andrea laments that the lead is a dead end. They searched exactly one house in the entire development, but I guess that was enough for Andrea. They need to shoot their way back to the car, which is honestly the only reason Shane took her there in the first place, and Andrea finally Gets It and becomes a master marksman with perfect headshots every time. As they drive back, she puts her hand on Shane’s crotch in a closeup I didn’t need to see, but AMC needs this kind of thing to continue their HBO-lite attitude. Sex ensues. Shooting zombies must be quite the turn-on.

Rick and Lori have it out after she takes the morning after pills and throws them up because she isn’t sure, but she leaves the wrappers and shit strewn everywhere. They argue about the baby and all this shit that I don’t really care about, she admits sleeping with Shane, he says he knew, blah blah whatever. It felt like stumbling into a deeply personal argument between two people at a dinner party or something, and I just felt awkward. I know I wouldn’t want to be pregnant or burdened with a defenseless baby during a fucking zombie apocalypse. I see both sides but don’t really care about the outcome.

So Shane and Andrea comes back and Andrea’s neck is all covered in hickeys, which Stubblepate and Dale are all concerned about. Christ, I’d hate to get a rash around these people. “What happened? Where were you? Is it poison ivy or jock itch?” LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, PEOPLE. So anyway, Stubbs and Andrea go off, and Dale confronts Shane, because Dale must hate sex like a motherfucker. Anybody who has sex is Up To No Good and Must Be Stopped. Dale needs to get fucking laid, and badly, but he’s too damn creepy-looking to get any action. He then bizarrely tells Shane that he saw him point his gun at Rick and insists that he thinks Shane is a piece of shit who would shoot his best friend. Shane makes the perfectly rational argument that if Dale really thinks that, what does Dale think ole Shane is willing to do to an old asshole that he doesn’t even like. Preach on, Shane, preach on. The writers want me to hate you, but I agree with you.

I do have a feeling, though, that Shane’s days are numbered. I think the writers are going to make him do something way over the line like sexual assault or something, and ole Shane is going to get gunned down. The whole group seems to be at each other’s throats, which I think makes an interesting observation about what a group of disparate people brought together by circumstance will do when they actually have a chance to rest and calm down and realize how much they can’t fucking stand other people. I think it’s probably the most important theme in most zombie stories. Zombies are one thing, ravenous cannibals who will never stop pursuing their goal. People? People are just assholes to each other. They don’t even have the undead excuse.