I’m struggling today to do just about everything. I’m struggling with forcing myself to work. I’m struggling with making myself write (although I did pen a little addition to “The Space“, a small scene which has wedged itself into my brain and refused to let up until I wrote it down, so I did and will be updating the story as it’s posted here just after I finish this). Hell, I struggled putting up a blog post. I wanted to put something up (probably related to some interesting programs I watched looking at the Old Testament through the eyes of a military historian which absolutely fascinates me, but evidently couldn’t be less interesting to everyone I’ve tried to talk to about it over the last few days), but struggled with what to say and how to say and if I’d offend anyone with it and wondering why I care about that at all and blah blah blah. Instead I’ll just write what I’ve been thinking half-heartedly about this morning.
Someone bought a copy of “Blamers” from the Kindle UK store. That makes me feel good. I’ve even sold 6 copies of The Curse of Troius this month. That’s a banner month, heh.
I read an article about how to answer that interview chestnut, “What is your biggest weakness?” Reading it and the corporate BS swill that you are expected to spew out in response made me imagine myself sitting in an interview chair today for some shitty corporate job that’s just like every other corporate job, 99% bullshit and 1% actual production. If I had to do an interview right now, I wouldn’t get the job if they were federally mandated to hire me. I think crawling back into Frank Ebbets’ mind to put the last touch on “The Space” was my downfall. Our worlds are similar enough that seeing it from his defeated and defenseless eyes makes me feel completely repulsed with everything about the corporate life. Except the money. Got bills to pay.
That said, the car that usurped my parking space 3 weeks ago, then stole my new replacement the next week (and thus got the ball rolling behind “The Space” in the first place) wasn’t there this morning. I parked in my new space. I guess writing it banished the Elder God that was plaguing me after all.
I will leave the corporate world before I become Frank Ebbets. Any more than I already have.
I have zero energy. I slept like the dead last night and was exhausted just waking up. We have a house showing tonight right after work, which means run home, touch up house, gather dogs, leave, hide for an hour. Necessary, but not exactly what I’m looking forward to.
If I had more energy, I’d be working on Storm right now. Crawling into poor Frank’s head is easy, but the character I’m in at this point in Storm is hard. My brain just doesn’t feel able to bring it to life.
I wonder how hard it is to write two books at once. I generally read 4 or 5 books at a time, switching between them depending on my mood and location, so I wonder if I could do that. I’d really rather finish Storm, but my new idea is consuming a lot of my mindscape lately. It may demand at least a beginning.
Tuna for lunch.
Addendum: Maybe listening to Nox Arcana Radio on Pandora isn’t exactly a mood-or-energy elevator either. Perhaps a more upbeat soundtrack is in order.