The chronicle of my wife and me and our attempts to do Bob Harper’s Inside Out Method workout plan from www.mytrainerbob.com.

Day 3.  Cardio again.  I slowly get out of bed today.  I’m sore, legs, arms, and glutes – big time – but the worst is the rusty steakknife still jammed into my back next to my shoulderblade from Tuesday’s mishap.  Deep breath, shrug it off, time to go.

Hi, Bob.  It’s now the fifth or so time I’ve been through this exercise routine, but Bob still gets me motivated.  “ToDAY is the DAY you make a difference.  Right now.”  I’m ready to make a difference.  Warm-up, then the punches that mark the blending between the warm-up and the intensity to follow.  As always, I admire Roxie’s stance as she goes through the punches, then uppercuts.  She’s tiny, but you can tell from the way she holds her hands and hunches into her stance that she isn’t a stranger to boxing.  I try to mimic her casually perfect form and can’t, but that’s OK, since it’s something to strive for.

Here we go.  Deadlifts, double-arm swings.  Man, let me tell you.  Bob really believes in engaging your lower back.  A lot of videos avoid it, or give maybe an exercise or two with careful admonitions to be watch yourself.  Bob just wants you to work.  You aren’t working the back directly, but you will feel it there the next day.  If you have a bad back, be careful.  Lady Aravan had back surgery a decade ago, so she knows to watch it, but her back is stronger than its ever been, probably, because of these double and single-arm swings.  My advice: listen to your body, but don’t make excuses for it.  Be smart.

Here it comes.  Like a horror movie, you know what’s coming, and all your shouting at the screen does no good.  “Hey Becky, you feeling it in your legs?”  Say yes, Becky, this time, just say “Yes sir,” please.  She doesn’t.  Half-smirk.  “No.”  As always, 30 more seconds of jumping jacks.  I hate jumping jacks.  But I notice something.  Bob tells us to not worry about how fast the fit people behind him are going, he wants us to go at our pace.  Faster than them.  What I notice is that Lady Aravan and I are going faster than them, even Roxie (though just barely).  Even “Miss I’m-Not-Feeling-It-In-My-Legs,” as Bob refers to her.  We’re actually faster.  I’m proud of us and gasping desperately for air.

In plank.  Bob asks me how many pushups I’m going to do today, in one minute.  I don’t know.  He asks me that every time, and every time I count, and every time I completely forget the number by the time I’m done.  We all start – “Not too fast” Bob admonishes us – and I am doing good.  I finish 30 before I’m down on me knees.  “Do not stop.  Keep going.”  Damn, he knows me well.  On my knees now, I continue, and it’s not any damn easier on my knees, like I’d always envisioned it being.  Bob counts down, and I reach 40, the last 10 from my knees in fits and starts.  Moving on.

Another thing I love about Bob: he uses the word “ass.”  Zack isn’t squatting far enough.  Bob doesn’t want him to sink his buns down, or his glutes, or his tush, or any of that crap.  Nope.  “Get your ass DOWN, Zack!”  We all do it deeper than before, so he doesn’t yell at us.

My old friend.  Tuck Jumps.  I start them earlier than before, trying hard.  For the last 15 seconds, I can hear Lady Aravan behind me, doing them too, for the first time.  It helps me keep going, and I am damn proud of her.  We’re doubled over afterwards, and she gasps, “6.  I did 6.  I’ll never be able to do all of them, but I did 6.”  I’m gasping too, and I tell her she’s wrong.  She will do them.  I believe it with all my heart, and I think she does too.

Another moment stands out.  Just before we do our pushups, Bob is telling us about what we’re about to do.  He turns around, and all his people are standing off to the side drinking water.  “I turn my back for one minute and they scurry off,” he says with a smile and a glance to someone off-camera, a director or something, maybe.  It’s a moment that probably gets edited out of all the other videos, but whoever edits Bob’s decides to leave it in, and I thank them.  It’s such a moment of honesty, fit people tired and needing a drink, their instructor half-smiling because he knows they are working their buns – excuse me, asses – off.

We make it through once again.  I am tired, exhausted.  Bob tells us that THAT was a cardio workout.  Yep.  I open my eyes after the stretching, and I see Bob look at me.  “Good job,” he says quietly, and he’s right.