Holy shit. I knew it had been awhile since I’d posted anything here, but I didn’t realize that it’d been a year-and-a-fucking-half. Time really flies when you don’t have anything you want to say.

Well, I’m back now. Hopefully for good. I spent some time recently reading through some of my old posts and I was pleasantly surprised by some of what I wrote. I even laughed out loud at some of the shit that I have no memory of writing, which is always a treat. So I was contemplating a return to this place, exercise my brain and try to recapture the voice that I use here, since that voice is the same voice in Waiting on the Dead and I’m seriously out of practice with the manic foul-mouthed hate-fueled style that me and the narrator both use to dish out bullshit thinly disguised as thoughts and half-baked observations about ephemera and terrible adaptations of the things I love (fuck you, Hobbit movies) in that particular cadence that evokes the ramblings of a meth-fueled ex-child-star with a microphone shoved into his face for the first time in a decade.

OK, run-on sentence achievement unlocked. That’s a good sign.

So anyway, I have no idea what I’m going to say here tomorrow or Friday or whenever. I have some ideas – someone told me I should retell the story from the Silmarillion in plain English and in a conversational style, which appeals to me since most people would rather gargle nail polish remover than read that book, which is crazy because it’s the best book of all time, but whatever, some people have no taste, but I also realize that it would end being more words than is actually in the Silmarillion because I’ve never met a sentence that couldn’t stand to have a few adjectives and adverbs and clauses and asides shoved in there – that I may work with, or I might talk about a movie project that I’m currently involved in, or I might just bitch about the terrible sound quality of America’s drive-thru speaker system – if we don’t maintain our infrastructure, America, then the terrorists win – or some other random thing that no one but me gives a shit about. We shall see.

I wasn’t surprised when I returned about one thing, though: people still really fucking want to know if they found Sophia in The Walking Dead. You’d think three years would have gotten the message out, especially if you know who Sophia is and care enough to look up if she got found but can’t be bothered to watch the show or talk to anyone about it, but whatever. 100 visits a day to a blog that hasn’t been updated in forever is something nice to come home to.

And yes, I just spent five hundred words communicating something that could have effectively done in two, which means that I might just be able to recapture the old spirit of this whole shebang. So for the TL/DR assholes out there, allow me to give you the two-word version of this post:

I’m back.

Bitches.

Fine, three words then.